Just a Jeju Girl

What if the person who hurt me wasn't entirely wrong about me?
What do you do, when you hear a painful comment/feedback from someone who you trusted and dependent? I still remember it quite vividly when one of my friend (who is no longer a friend) told me I am manipulative and Covert Narcissist. Since I was already mentally unstable and vulnerable, I wasn’t able to answer back that you are wrong and somehow, I guess I did agree some part of what she said about me.
As a person who always heavily self censor and second guess about the same situation over and over again, even it’s been already 3 years when I got this comment from her, it has been mind boggling me since then. And when something that triggers me to look back to this comment, I do genuinely worry if I really AM a Covert Narcissist.
So this episode is just me worrying about the comment / Opinion about me  that I heard long time ago and still makes be concern about who I really am..
 
Thank you so much for tuning in again, I really hope we could see each other again. Bye!

As a Korean working in Japan, using mainly both Japanese and English at her workplace. I sometimes can’t get off an obsession to be fluent in both Japanese and English, a native level. Because when it comes to work, there’s money and profession involved and there is a reputation to build with the people around me. Today’s episode is just me complaining about the internal limitation and restrictions as a language learner. And thought my listeners would relate to what I’m saying. Again thank u enjoyed today’s episode and hope we can see each other soon ☺️ 

If we take away the times we spend thinking about the past, -with all its regrets and happy moments, and the future, with all its worries, how many hours a day do we actually spend thinking about the present, present moment, right here and right now? 

Sometimes the hardest thing is to accept the ugly truth of your self. For example admitting the fact that you actually, mildly judge people about their unchangeable treats. Today’s episode is about me confessing about my embarrassing truth and making my first step to admit it and get closer to the improvement. Again, thank u so much for listening to my podcast and I’m always looking out for your comment and idea via email!

Recently I had an injury while working out in the CrossFit box. Long story short, I had to get 12 stitches across my left eyebrow. As well as my friend who had to undergo shoulder surgery after dislocating her shoulder while playing badminton which is her favourite sport. And after what happened to both of us, me and my friend sighed and complained about both of our own situation right now. It all came from us, just wanted to try our best. To simply work out for our health and body. Even though it I was all out of good intention, but somehow, we both ended up with a surgery which felt little bit unfair. But after all, I released whatever had happened, I knew that it is not going to stop us from playing sport which also meant that no matter of such consequence, me and her are gonna keep doing our best. 
I wanted to make this episode to dedicate to someone who had experience a similar thing, having to do something with a very good intention but ended up with quite unfortunate outcome.. I feel you! 
Thank you so much for listening to this episode, and I hope I can see you again in the next episode. 
Your friend, Hyeonsu 
 

Right after my mum passed away, very first emotion I had was fear. Fear of future deaths that I inevitably should experience in the future. Like “how am I going to cope with my family or friend’s death while even with a single person’s death is so painful?’
Even though there’s nothing we can do or control about people living and dying, it’s so hard to be stable and mature about death of your loved ones. Maybe when I become 95, will I be used to death by then? Those who are 95, wouldn’t they live with a terribly broken heart since they must have gone through so many deaths? I just couldn’t stop asking questions that I will never be able to answer right now. 
I hope this episode triggered some insights and thoughts about the concept of death and re-emphasise the importance of the present. 
Thank you so much for listening, I hope I can see u next week too! 

One of my favourite quote from my dad said as a professor, is that people really shouldn’t rely and trust 100% what professors say. It was very interesting and impressive to hear that from someone who has been dedicating a time and effort to the study and gave lectures for decades in a university. and this story kind of connected with my personal experience with my English teacher just plainly answered my complicated question by “I don’t know”
and as a person who believes authenticity and honesty is the best virtue, I always wanted my future kids to have a bravery to say they don’t know even though this might mean it could be embarrassing to admit it. I talked about this bravery to say I don’t know in this podcast and I hope this might provoke some thoughts to any of my listeners out there. Again, always thank u for listening to my podcast! 

If you were born and raised in a collectivist society or family environment where it became a norm to suppress your feelings and your true needs, it’s so hard to ask for help by saying that you’re not actually fine. And I think that kind of society naturally develops a linguistic background and habit which are ‘大丈夫(daijyobu)’ and ‘괜찮아(kenchana)’ in both Japan and Korea. And as a Korean person living in Japan, I feel like I’m getting allergic to a word “daijyobu” because I certainly know that it is a best tool for Japanese people to shield their hardship in order to not make their loved ones to worry about you or concern about you. and I believe it applies to Korean culture as well with a word ‘kenchana’
I’m aware of a purely kind intention to check on someone whether they are really okay but sometimes I believe people should ask a better, different question like ‘is there anything we can talk about your everyday life recently?’ and assuring them that it’s completely okay to say that you’re not actually OK

<Programme of Classical Concert that I referred>
Jean Sibelius – Pohjola’s Daughter, Symphonic Fantasy, Op. 49
Leoš Janáček – Taras Bulba, Rhapsody for Orchestra
Jean Sibelius – Symphony No. 5 in E-flat major, Op. 82